It’s clockwork now. Everyone knows what happens. A woman shares her experience about her assault and when you scroll down, you always have that one unwarranted comment about how Not All Men are abusers.
And by now, that should be obvious. Of course, all men aren’t abusers. More than fifty percent of the world’s population are male. If every guy was an abuser or a predator, we would all be in some serious trouble.
So yes, not all men are predators. But why is going Not All Men wrong, you ask? After all it is the truth. Not all men hurt women. Not all men are abusers the same way women are capable of being abusers themselves.
But for context, we need to understand from where the whole Not All Men movement even comes from. Notice how every time it’s a woman sharing her own experience of assault and throwing in a casual, “All Men are trash” we see people talking about how men too can be victims? How men can get raped too? How woman are capable of hurting men as well? How they tell us not to judge an entirety based on the actions of a few?
Notice how every time a victim shares their story, we have someone personally offended they would even dare call men trash. They’re not angry because someone hurt someone or that they were degraded in their own body but become they simply said “men are trash”.
The sentence “Men are trash” is merely a sentence. It has no power in the world except to bruise your ego. It has no purpose whatsoever but to make sure people understand where women are coming from. It’s ironic how such a simple sentence has brought in more hysteria and anger than feminist bibles. We have men shaking in their boots as they launch into melodramatic soliloquies about how they’ve been wronged.
We have men crying over how they aren’t like other men over victims sharing stories about their own assault and this is exactly why going “not all men” is so incredibly wrong. Imagine being so self absorbed that you take away the attention of a victim simply because you feel targeted. Simply because of a three word sentence. It actually astounds me.
I say all men are trash because I know if I specify “some”, every man who is capable of change, of understanding, of empathising will not understand why women are angry. They will wipe off the blood from other men onto their shirts and look away and say, “I didn’t do it so I have no part in cleaning it up”.
But the thing is, you do. If you are a cis man, you most definitely play a role in everything. Maybe you’ve never touched a woman wrong, maybe you’ve never hurt someone but that is being a decent human being. It is not commendable. It is not worth talking about.
Instead ask yourself, how can I help? Do you stay silent when your friends demean a woman in front of you? Do you say something when your friends brag about getting on with their girlfriends? Have you ever believed the way a woman dressed and behaved had anything to do with the kind of attention she got? Do you think I’m out of my mind for saying all of this?
Not all abusers are born abusers. They are conditioned into being so. They are taught to look as women as mere vessels and so they do not care to look past us except for how our bodies are shaped and what they can do. They are never held accountable. Instead, they will be shrugged off as “boys will be boys” and that would be our first mistake.
So yes, not all men but every woman. To every woman who has been hurt by a man. Who’s been taught to feel like a foreigner in their own body. Who have had their bodies invaded and their insides scooped out with dirty fingers. Who’ve been ridiculed and demeaned and treated like they were nothing. To every woman who has ever been hurt by a man. To every man who’s ever been hurt by a woman. To every person who’s ever been hurt.
Not to all men but to every woman.